Unpopular opinion: I used to just laugh at flat earth stuff, but after spending 6 months actually talking to a believer in my D&D group, I realized my old way of just shutting down the conversation was making me part of the problem.

Now I start by asking 'what evidence would actually change your mind on this one point,' which sounds simple but totally flipped the script for me during our last session, so has anyone else found a specific question that actually opens up a debate instead of shutting it down?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_blair1mo ago

Two years ago I watched my coworker spend 45 minutes trying to convince our boss that a simple spreadsheet formula was wrong using actual math printouts, while the boss kept saying 'well that's not what my gut tells me.' It clicked for me right then that most disagreements aren't about facts at all, they're about two different methods of deciding what counts as real in the first place. Your flat earth guy probably uses 'what I can see with my own eyes' as his truth filter, while you use 'what multiple verified sources agree on' - and neither side even knows the other has a different system. That little question of yours basically forces people to pull out their own truth filter and hold it up to the light, which is way more useful than just chucking facts at each other like grenades. I've started asking my wife 'what would need to happen for you to feel heard here' during our dumb arguments about whose turn it is to take out the trash, and honestly it works better than any debating strategy I've ever read online.

evan_jenkins2mo ago

Nice, that's a really smart way to frame it. It forces the other person to actually define their own rules for evidence, which is where a lot of these talks fall apart. Suddenly you're not just arguing about facts, but about how we even decide what's true.

oscarb712mo ago

Exactly, and @evan_jenkins you nailed why it works. My problem is I can never remember that move in the moment. I get stuck trying to prove my point with perfect facts while they're playing a whole different game. Next thing I know, I'm five links deep trying to find a study to prove the sky is blue. Makes you realize most arguments are less about being right and more about agreeing on how to even check.