Got some tough feedback on my volunteer grant writing last month

I was helping a small animal shelter in Tacoma with a funding application, and the person who runs it told me my first draft was 'too corporate and cold.' She said it didn't sound like our shelter at all. I mean, I was just trying to make it sound professional, you know? So I went back and put in a specific story about a dog named Bruno we helped, with real numbers from his vet bills. It felt way better. Has anyone else had to totally change their writing style for a community group?

2 comments

2 Comments

mark_cooper1mo ago

That Bruno story is a good fix. I'm trying to picture the first draft though. Were you using a lot of words like "stakeholders" and "synergy" or was it more about the sentence structure feeling stiff?

smith.ray1mo ago

Tbh that "too corporate and cold" feedback hits hard. What kind of stuff were you writing before that felt off?