Got some tough feedback on my volunteer grant writing last month

I was helping a local animal shelter with a grant proposal and the director told me my writing was 'too technical and cold.' She said, 'You need to tell the story of the dogs, not just list the needs.' I went back and rewrote the whole thing, starting with a short story about a specific dog they helped. I sent the new version in yesterday. Has anyone else had to switch from facts to feelings in their work like that?

3 comments

3 Comments

derek_ramirez1mo ago

Wait wait wait - Frank was just sitting there WATCHING TV all day with no purpose before the garden? Like that was his whole life? That's wild. I mean I'm glad the garden fixed that but dang that detail hit me right in the chest.

jason5242mo ago

Yeah that's super common with grants. I mean, the numbers have to be there for the budget section, but you gotta hook them with a story first. I always try to picture one real person or animal the grant would help and describe their day before and after. Makes the facts hit different.

vera_lewis2mo ago

Totally get what you're saying, @jason524. I helped my cousin with a grant for a community garden and we wrote about this retired guy named Frank. Before, he just watched TV all day, lonely. After, he's out there teaching kids how to grow tomatoes, got a whole new purpose. The budget for soil and tools made sense once you saw Frank's story.